You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
