Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
