How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
