You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
