We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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