You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
