you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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