i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
