You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
