i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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