Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
