I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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