Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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