I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ttyl tear gas
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
