You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
