i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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