I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
