His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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