It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
