its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
