Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
