I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When did angry sex become our thing?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
