How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
