whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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