I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
