I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
