why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
