FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
