I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
one two three fourrrrnication!
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
