Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
