and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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