remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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