He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
