I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
