garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
farters have to be the big spoon...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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