I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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