Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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