While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
