Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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