it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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