Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
