If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
