The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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