Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
