Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize