winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
