if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
