i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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