I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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