hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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