We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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