they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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