so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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