i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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