My underwear smells like fireworks.
My balls are so social today.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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