I'm gonna have a badass scar
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Randomize
