it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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