They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
