Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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