sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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