...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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