Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
