Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
