My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
