just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
