you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
