she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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