Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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