Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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