i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
too bad you live with your parents still
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How external is "for external use only"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
