When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
